A 6-minute read about the outfits we buy and the lies we tell ourselves

You know those TikTok-famous “Amazon finds” that look incredible on literally everyone else but somehow transform into shapeless disappointments the moment they touch your body? Yeah, I have a growing collection of them. They hang in my closet, tags still attached, silently judging my life choices and credit card statements.

Now let’s talk about that section of your closet—the “it looked better online” zone. The “waiting until I’m more confident” pile. Right now, it’s also where my newest obsession lives: a dress so yellow it could probably outshine the sun itself. It’s been sitting in my shopping cart for the past week, just taunting me. I’ll click “Place Order,” panic, click “Save for Later,” repeat. My finger hovers over the checkout button, and the doubts flood in: “It’s too bright,” “Who do you think you are?” “What if people think you’re trying too hard?”

Meanwhile, my closet watches in silence- three identical black turtlenecks stand guard, ready to shield me from being noticed. Oversized navy sweaters wait to hide, not highlight, and jeans in every shade of beige are on standby, ready to blend me into the background.

Welcome to my collection of camouflage, where “practical” is just another way of saying, “please don’t look at me.” But that dress. That dress keeps reminding me: maybe it’s time to stop blending in.

My morning routine has always ended in strategic dimming:

• “Is this top too bright?” Changes into navy“
• “Will people think I’m showing off?” Removes statement necklace“
• Am I trying too hard?” Swaps heels for flats“
• Does this scream ‘look at me’?” Back to black everything

The Cost of Camouflage

Here’s what no one tells you about hiding: it’s exhausting. The mental energy spent on staying unseen:

• Calculating the perfect level of “not too dressed up, not too casual” for every occasion
• Rehearsing explanations for any outfit that might draw attention
• Planning escape routes from compliments
• Wearing backup clothes in your bag “just in case”

Until a week ago…

Because something shifted when I found myself having a full-blown anxiety attack on the bus to TARGET about wearing red lipstick to buy toilet paper. TOILET PAPER. Like the cashier was going to judge me for having bold lips while buying Charmin. That’s when it hit me: I wasn’t protecting myself from judgment – I was letting my fear of judgment imprison me.

This wasn’t about lipstick. This wasn’t even about Target. This was about every time I’d dimmed my light because I was afraid it might make others uncomfortable. Every time I’d chosen beige over bold, silence over speaking up, hiding over being seen. And for what? So people wouldn’t think I was “doing too much”? Since when did doing too much become worse than not doing enough?

So here are my new rules of engagement:

1. Wear the thing that scares you to ordinary places

2. Accept the discomfort as part of the process

3. Reframe the narrative

• “Too much” becomes “just enough”
• “Who do you think you are?” becomes “Exactly who I choose to be”
• “What will people think?” becomes “What do I think?”

You know what’s funny? The more I wear things that make me nervous, the less nervous they make me. That red top that felt like a carnival costume last month? Now it’s just a top.

Maybe confidence isn’t something we’re born with. Maybe it’s something we build, one brave choice at a time.

Remember that yellow dress in my cart? I just clicked “Place Order.” My hands are shaking, but maybe that’s not fear – maybe it’s excitement. Maybe it’s the feeling of a butterfly finally deciding its cocoon is too small.

Because here’s what I’m finally understanding: every time we choose visibility over safety, every time we pick expression over hiding, we’re not just changing our clothes – we’re changing our story.

P.S. The dress arrives next week. I’m wearing it to get coffee, to run errands, to exist in broad daylight. Will I feel like I’m doing too much? Probably. Will I wear it anyway? Absolutely. Because maybe doing “too much” is exactly what we need to become enough.